Many ways to be human

"Here’s a little known fact in astrology – Uranus sensitizes a person..." - ElsaElsa "Distaste & Intolerance for a person's humanness"

Elsa continues with that post, "We’ll try to not be so nosy. Right? Everybody stay out of Elsa’s business. She’ll tell us what’s going on when she feels like it.”

I looked over and nodded. “Okay. I’m sorry. I’m just trying to think...”

People rarely give the other allowance of this kind anymore. They won’t let people be human and individual. Instead they try to perfect them according to their own design and standard. I think this could be the new definition of “insane”."

 

The beginning of tiny home life, 2008

 

Most regular readers of Makua o'o know I live with a condition called MCS, Multiple Chemical Sensitivities. Though I don't focus on this reality in the writing I do on this blog it is an underlying thread that tugs at the definition of me, and my humanness everyday. My husband Pete and I were featured in a recent article written in the Fall/Winter 2014 newsletter for volunteers who serve the South Whidbey Island community Good Cheer Food Bank. The piece entitled "Pete and Moki Helping Pin together a Community of Compassion." begins, "What is it like to have a story to tell but not be able to get close enough to tell it because it could harm you? That is the question Mokihana Calizar must answer every day. Moki has Multiple Chemical Sensitivity where she cannot be near fragrances and chemical odors. This is very limiting in the ways she can be of service to her community but she has spent the last 7 years figuring out how to do just that."

The short article was accompanied by a photograph taken on a sunny late fall afternoon in Langley. The words used to describe us surprised me, Pete did not read the article for several weeks. When he did read it he said, "That was good!" surprised as well that others did understand (to some degree) what it takes for us to contribute to our community regardless of the challenges and "life circumstances." Yes, in the last 7 years figuring out how to contribute to our South Whidbey Island community has challenged me to stretch my comfort zone without agitating the fine line or border of health that maintains an immune system strong, and resilient enough to cope with too much fragrance, or an overload of stimulation. As I write this post I have just come through a day and night of exposures that frazzled my mind and body: an exuberant Happy New Year hug from a friend who was loaded with strong fragrance began a downward spiral of illness. Unless you or someone dear to you has initiated you into the protocol necessary to be with someone living with heightened sensitivities the special care necessary to 'deal' with my sort of humanness is as foreign as Francais is to a non-Francophile.

One of our "Sensitive Friends" had a birthday party this summer. In an email sent to all her guests she included this request (which I've edited a bit to fit this post)."

"You are welcome to bring anyone with you that you'd like to--with the proviso that they be somewhere between largely and entirely unscented.  (No dryer sheets, strongly-scented detergents, lotions, deodorants, SUNSCREEN, etc.)  In other words, come smelling as much like a person as possible.  I WILL SUPPLY PLENTY OF UNSCENTED SUNSCREEN--please do not bring your own, as there will be at least three chemically sensitive people here (2 that live here, and one or two guests), and that stuff tends to shut all of us down at about 40 paces.  (Even outdoors.  Yes, really.  :-)

 

Yesterday's experience with the very fragranced bear hug was something that happened so quickly neither Pete nor I responded with the usually outstretched hands-off or hands in prayer position to fend the approaching 'bear.' Thing is, sometimes we will put down our guard when a friend who is usually unscented gets close. It's that one time when the usually unscented encounter is NOT that truly can, and did, shut us down. Pete manages exposures differently, able to weather the experience with less ill-effects. Both Pete and I shampooed and bathed the scent from our hair and bodies; our clothes (coats, scarves and jacket) are soaking in a washing tub. My night was filled with anxiety and the fall-through -the dark and black hole that is something I experience when exposed to fragrance and chemical exposures. "Take something for it" is not a cure or fix, though I do call on all my Ancestors and practices to aid me as I detoxify the emotions, sensations and adrenaline overload. I held my citrine crystal to ground me as I said my prayers and meditations to calm, and welcomed my helping spirits who took me into the dreams that would reclaim parts of my lost soul. The night passed. I am here. I breathe. I live. I write.  

 

Today, the symptoms and anxiety are easing. We are grateful for the tiny spaces where we can recuperate and rest. Seven years ago we did not have these spaces to do what is necessary to be the humans we are ... differently able to live with the "norm" of a very fragranced and chemically intense society. A few more people know what it takes for us to be the people we are, aware that their habits and preferences could harm us, the process is a slow and as Elsa wrote in her article "Distaste & Intolerance for a person's humanness" there is that sense of entitlement she describes. "They won’t let people be human and individual. Instead they try to perfect them according to their own design and standard. I think this could be the new definition of “insane”." On both ends of the tug-of-war rope we Sensitives could expect all others to amend themselves to our standards, our protocol for a fragrance and chemical free inter-change. While on the other end, the community of the collective could be insensitive to the reality of our humanness and our unique needs.

 

I'm writing this today to say this is what makes me human, and chemically sensitive. Uranus, the planet that sensitizes is in the sign of Aries (first-person focused) for all Earthlings. In my case, Aries is in my Third House (communication and siblings/neighbors). I am sensitized in my communications of all sorts, and while Pluto in Capricorn squares Aries, my Capricorn Moon in the Twelfth House feels deeply. It's my journey. My blog. And, I live in the collective community on a planet billions of years old. In the scheme of Earth's long-life mine is a mere mini-grain of sand on the shore. But, it's my own glorious lifetime this time through and if one or two words or thoughts cross the cyberbridge and ring a bell for you? Hurrah, we have a win and chock one up for tolerance and compassion.

 

 

The four full moons of Kaulana Mahina (the four full moons of the Hawaiian Moon Calendar)

Nä Mahina Mä‘ama‘ama Loa
Nä Mahina Mä‘ama‘ama Loa are the full moon phases, the brightest and largest moon phases in our mahina’s lunation. Hawaiians recognize four full moon phases in the lunar sequence.
AKUA is the first full pö mahina that Hawaiians recognize. Akua rises approximately 5:00 – 6:00 pm and sets about a half an hour before sunrise on the following morning. Akua is almost completely round and very bright. Akua is in the sky for almost the entire night.
HOKU is the second full pö mahina. Hoku rises in the east at the same time that Lä sets in the west. Hoku is directly overhead or zenith at midnight. Hoku sets on the western horizon the next day at the same time that Lä rises over the eastern horizon. Hoku is in the sky for the full night and it is recognized as the true full moon phase.
MÄHEALANI is the third full pö mahina. Mähealani rises approximately an hour after sunset. Mähealani is usually an orange or reddish color and is also known as Malani. When this pö mahina is about to set in the morning, it is called Hoku ‘Ili. Hoku ‘ili means “stranded star”.
KULU is the fourth full pö mahina. Kulu rises in our sky approximately two hours after sunset and sets on the western horizon approximately two hours after sunrise.
-from MAHINA the ebook

Last night we bundled up and took a ride out of the woods to watch the moon rise over the Cascade Mountain Range. From our encampment, the sentinels of Tall Ones hide Mahina until she has moved in her counter-clockwise path and is quite high in the night sky.  Mahina was to rise minutes after the sun set, so if one is trying to be 'precise' about which of the four moons it was, it was probably a Hoku Moon. (See the description above) The drive to our moon sighting spot is also the highway that takes ferry traffic down to the landing. Most folks are on a mission to get that boat, so it's not uncommon to be tail-gated by the anxious driver. We, the anxious driver behind us, and Pete and I got to our destination in good enough time. The ferry was there, and the driver made the boarding. With a bit of re-positioning Pete got our little Scout car into a good angle facing the Cascades.

It's too easy to slip into that anxious driver role, even when I'm not the anxious driver wanting to make the boat. With multiple chemical sensitivities life without a spiritual program is life with the burner turned on HIGH all the time: one is sure to burn! There was a challenge to juggle before going to the moon rising ... an episode with toxic smells happened minutes before driving down. I was triggered. Without room for God, I was on my way onto that burner turned HIGH. Fortunately, the Moon is a companion to my Higher Power and in practice, she tames me when I 'think' it's not possible and floats me in the waters of transformation (full moon) when I wall myself off so I get a better perspective.

I donned my I Can Breathe Mask with the red rose on it and surrendered to the episode: let go, let God and placed no blame while speaking up. I made room for letting the glory of the Hoku Full Moon be magical.There was too much wood smoke at the little park where we waited for Mahina to rise, so we sat and looked out the windshield at the zigzag of snowy peaks that trimmed the tops of the Cascades. The sky was hazy, but the mountains were visible. Our chances for spotting the moon were good. Behind that mask I breathed and relaxed. Letting go and feeling the goodness of being alive on Honua (Earth). The light of the sun was dimming but still present. A shade of apricots simmered in the heavens. And then, boing. There she was a golden globe of what I can only call moon yellow slipped from behind a crest trail snow cap.

We clapped, and I found a rhythm of celebration and drummed the dashboard. I pulled the mask from my face and breathed normally. The moment of a triggered exposure had passed. The company of the present was rewarding. We watched and chatted. We watched and breathed her in. If you missed the moon rise last night, there's another one tonight. My ancestors were keen and consistent observers of nature, and recorded their relationship with nature and the elemental forces of connection. Living on island worlds in the middle of the Pacific Ocean there vantage points were unobstructed ones with horizons and access to the heavens that etched in their na'au (gut) bodies like indelible tattoos. I am lucky to have been reminded of this in time to live the rest of my life on Honua with that spiritual connection.

Mahalo Mahina ... shine on! It's so good to be able to count on the moon.

Never underestimate the power of a well-written letter

The quote comes from Jane Austin's novel Persuasion, a theme of  love once lost and then found, "Never underestimate the power of a well-written letter" is just one of the literary gems that remind me how vital real communication is.  E-mail and blogging stretches the meaning and the quality of communication, and I think that's a good thing.  With practice, a new blogger can get better, "e-mail" was once considered absent from the spell-cheking dictionary.  With Saturn in the sign of Libra the work of clear communication in our relationships is key work.  For those of us who live with the daily risk of being exposed and physically incapacitated by the choices our neighbors, visiting friends or family members or house-mates make clear communication is critical.  The process of becoming clear in our needs relating to MCS takes time and energy.  Early-on many of us aren't sure what's happening to us, so being clear about explaining what we need comes in bits and pieces.  I'd like to include a helpful and resourceful form of clear communication, compassionately written as a letter.  The following template was written by a dear friend of two MCSers who are on a road trip from the Eastern American coast to many Intentional Communities/friends/families in the United States.  Keith and Mary share their adventures on the road as they travel and gather folks for Laughter Yoga along the way.  The template that follows first appeared on The Canary Report and is reprinted here with permission from Mary Rives. 

Readers of our blogs may or may not be familiar with the daily courage and challenges the face people who live with chemical sensitiviites.  This letter was first written by a friend who does 'get' what it takes for one (or two and a dog) with MCS to visit or be with people.
-Mahalo Mary