Sunday, July 29, 2012

away from home

for the first time
in a long time
i spend time
away
from
home

home time
is safe time
and my time
regaining
peace
within

does a step or leap of faith require spending time away from home?

probably

is faith a step without fear?

not necessarily

for the first time
in a long time
i spend time
away
from
home

with faith that fear is not the destination

Monday, July 23, 2012

"You will stand in my danger"



"Dangerous" in its oldest form meant "to protect" ... 'You, stand in my danger...certain things on this Earth must be kept from disappearing from this place.'

The Dangerous Old Woman
she is passionate, but also observant
she will protect whoever and whatever is filled with a spark of electricity
she will preserve broken trees that have been damaged in a storm with poultices

-Clarissa Pinkola Estes The Dangerous Old Woman Myths & Stories of the Wise Woman Archetype

I am editing and re-reading work I have done and work that is in a near-finished first draft a place where the story is like pie not yet ready to be baked. Everything, or nearly every thing is there in my mind, in a file, on a blog or on paper; these are my ingredients for a delicious pie. The first draft of Splinters include segments of food and meal making; characters who love the art of recipes and feeding find their way into my stories. One of the works I am editing was written during the early years when I was not sure I would be alive(this blog began as I sorted the events of that time). It was a work that was literally and figuratively fed through my fingers from a soul that would not be silent even as my body and my world was unfamiliar to any I had known. While I listened to Clarissa Pinkola Estes describe her meanings for 'dangerous' I heard her say,"S.S." in reference to a stage in the epic of ones' life when you are 'still standing' in spite of all travail. The work I wrote was a fairy tale written by hand onto lines of a composition book then onto a laptop that has since died after a heroic life of ideas, adventure, homelessness, sickness, oceanic travels and finally a cup of tea spilled onto her keyboard and into her innards. I keep her still, my "Ruby". In a tray under our bed in the Gypsy wagon, she remains a talisman of the reality that we my husband and I are still standing. Back then, in 2008 I was brand new to the world of the blog. While sick and disoriented, Ruby was my cyber-canoe voyaging into the Internet. Before I ramble more than necessary, I must get to the crossing of meanings before I lose it: my email account and therefore my passport to the first of my blogs and the publication of my fairy tale was ssvardoATgmailDOTcom. Though it stands for something different than "still stand" it fits marvelously as well.

Sometimes things we love, creations born of passion and necessity rest/wait for what seems a long time. While I edit both my fairy tale of 2008, and Splinters my mythic fiction nearly complete, I pause to listen to things, take walks in the forest around me, make meals for my family who is bigger by one with my son visiting from France for the summer. My sense of what is valuable and precious expands and is affirmed by my real life and the life that fashions itself with the ingredients of artistic expression and storytelling. When I hear about the old stories from cantadora Clarissa, my ancestors and my dreams become fertile and present and they tell me how to live with the spark of 'danger' that Estes refers to. What is worth preserving becomes clear even while my one ear can hear a fraction of all sound; and I flounder in my reassembling relationships with others.

Vasallisa the Beautiful from the Baba Yaga tales
I hear in the old stories from Estes the description of the ancient and fabulously dangerous crone BabaYaga and am surprised at the details of her ways and laugh with acknowledgment of her chicken-legged house. A house far from normal atop chicken legs to allow her mobility, I understand 'dangerous old woman' in more depth. We live with three black hens who lay the eggs we eat. The eggs are rich, brilliant orange yolked and laid by creatures that will protect what is precious to them with their sharp talons and quick beaks. Those crowing hens are dangerous and if I needed to be protected I would stand with them. When we lived in the last house attached to the ground on a foundation (a solid and 'normal' home by ordinary cultural standards) I found a wooden puppet with hinged joints. It was colorful and dangerous looking. I named her Baba Yaga in what I recognize as an innocent and unknowingly auspicious naming of things yet to come. While we kept Baba Yaga with us she stood behind the door in the "Helpful People" corner of the small cottage. Purposely. That little cottage was in some respects the place from which our world would be turned upside down as health, safety and normal was shaken like the letters in an alphabet soup tossed from its packaging. All previous spellings would be unuseable, ineffective, ill-fitting.




Today, and at this moment, I sit to write at a keyboard in a Quonset Hut built from the frame of a discarded greenhouse. Around that discarded frame my husband has pulled sheets of metal, a window found at a junk yard and a door fitted with glass lets in light. A small hinged door for a black cat is cut into that door so the sleek huntress can come and go as she pleases. A wisely crafted tile floor that can be lifted and moved provides us with the illusion of solidity and packets of shredded denim insulation warm us while we go about writing, washing up dishes and cooking up mugs of tea and tasty meals. The Gypsy wagon, our VardoForTwo is just steps from the Quonset door. The vardo rests on wheels and ferns grow tall around her walls. We Gypsies find new and different meanings to the alphabet soup Baba Yaga has conjured for us. Definitions change as one lives; resting and protection take on meanings deep, broad and essential. What value is worth defending? It changes, and adaptability is a factor. At the core it is wise to know what is in the heart. Surrounding that sure heart I would say learn to wear heartwood hardened during the winter, so your skin can adapt to the seasons that will surely scar.

Friday, July 20, 2012

Underground railways, navigating by "following the drinking gourd"




I was at the orchard table this morning. A mug of ginger tea sweetened with Fireweed honey and a copy -- the first draft of my mythic fiction Splinters were my companyI am editing the old-fashioned way, using a sharp red pencil the story of time travel, Hawaiian culture and cross-pollination that weaves through this work which feels perfectly timed for me at this stage of life. When I started Splinters the inspiration came through the pump of creativity -- Prime the Pump, my weekly on-line writers' group. From random bits and phrases that come intuitively I invite a small handful of writer friends to whatever inspiration bubbles from what is called a 'tickle line.' Successfully and consistently that watering hole of a writers' group has served me and my friends as a ritual encampment for story, poetry; and for me the large and small linkages of characters and legacy write themselves into my writing life. For months now characters have sketched their nature and their quandries through my fingers and onto the blog page. Interesting and loveable characters. Powerful time travelers. God father. God mother. Aumakua. Children of wisdom. Unexpected plots grew. Personal passions and my curious exploring nature create a riotous work that spans centuries of known history while simaltaneously fabricating dialogue for heroines from the fertile water of a writer's imagination. That's fiction. And fiction is a path as broad and deep as the bowl that is Earth.

When I began writing it was letters that pieced together my real life as I recalled it for women, one woman in particular. Across the Pacific my Aunty lived her life much as she'd lived it when I was the little neighbor girl on the other side of the hibiscus hedge that divided her yard from ours. I was twenty-five, newly married and soon a mother living in a place and a culture that was foreign. Homesick yet strangely aware even as I struggled with weather, protocol and customs I kept my island-seeds alive through the letters to Aunty who lived in my first valley. She was first to nurture stories that were true for me. In the knotted cord of my story rope, Aunty is primary. Today I can go days, weeks and shamefully years without acknowledging Aunty Lily's letters but always the foundation of her support remain a legacy upon which all the writing grows. Still I write about the life I live as the years of columns written for The Hawaiian Island Journal read like letters to my aunty. Those regular columns were written in the same house where the girl who loved the small Japanese woman who wore dark sunglasses day and night wandered regularly through a hole in the red hibiscus hedge. Back in that Kuliouou Valley homestead where the mothers were long gone across the wa of time, I was given a ticket of time in a place and a home where my history would revisit while I lived the present. Nine years of rebuilding my old family home would be collected in writings about the life being lived. A cardboard box filled with these stories is stored and protected in a large black plastic garbage bag. Piecing this story together, patience has gained a foothold in my impatient makeup and even when time and worry interrupt, I keep going. I'm not sure how to distribute those stories; the solution changes. Still, there is a 'how' and soon the way will show itself. I have faith it will.

This new morning, another day, the lightning Relampago! has come again. Between the afternoon of clear time, soft breezes and conversations with the friends -- two women, who live upon this land with me and Pete the lightning and the thunder storms have come again. Stirring my comfort just enough to make the condition of my physical life a blessing of understanding, forgiveness and mercy. Oh my, how full can a life be? As full as understanding and creating a new way of looking at the 'handicaps' of a wounded life, a temporary or long-lasting enslavement: too poor, unsuitable, ill-equipped, overly sensitive, trapped by Them, weakened, unable to hear out of one ear. Between that afternoon in the orchard and this new morning of thick rain and a night of storms we thought out loved cat JOTS would not return because she is always here or at least close by. We worried, tossed and turned restless sleep waiting for her scratching on the porch rails. My one uncongested ear tuned to high. Sleep was fitfull. We were woken for the third time in the month of July by thunder. Pete dreamed of our cat while the thunder moved him to climb over me and out to the Quonset. JOTS was home. Relief relaxed our tensed bodies, and maybe the lesson of fear that we will lose one we love and then, what? Then, we will grieve and mourn, and then there will be something more.

In the late afternoon on the same day when I sat to edit my fiction with the sharp red pencil we went to town for a bit of enjoyment; a seaside interlude while the tide rose high; a visit to a puppet shop to find a gift for a birthday; and then a celebration for volunteers who feed and service our local food bank (Pete among them). A BBQ was happening. Tents and a table of food was set along with benches and tables. Pete carried the tiny puppet he'd chosen for the birthday girl and gardener master. She was delighted by the finger puppet, a tiny bunny the innanimate version of creators who threaten the beds of lettuces and other living goodies like Peter Rabbit. Pete and Carey the birthday girl work together week after week in these gardens, and perhaps the greatest add-on experience for them is the playfulness Pete brings in his quirky way. I get to see that happen when I show up for these celebrations. I am the other, the mate, the one who is not often seen. Meeting people Pete talked about is fun, and different for in years passed I was the public one. Story changes.

Recalling the many events in a single day and night, the conversation shared in the orchard with my friends included the theme of the Underground Railways created for the protective and covert transportation of slaves in the American South to places of safety in the North. While I edit the draft of Splinters I also continue to research and tune to the inspiration of ideas or images to complete the story. One of those inspirations was the reality and the metaphor of that collective endeavor called the Underground Railway. The image at the start of this essay is the star cluster, The Big Dipper. The link below it will take you if you are curious, to a site that describes the workings and history of slaves bound generation after generation to a life of capture. The depth and widely woven network and beliefs that created this form of slavery taps into every soul's memory. The conversation I had in the orchard reinforced this for each of the three women who contributed to that orchard conversation is in the middle of writing which has as one of its themes, the family of slaves. In our lives today, one woman is a nurse anthropologist who continues, though is slowing her career as teacher; another is retired from a career as a physical anthropologist and works now at writing about a Moses in her life; and I write in relative seclusion the letters I began writing as a young woman to an Aunt who would encourage me to see the North Star of my own underground railway.

Journeys are rarely simple the ones that have most meaning are nearly always froth with discoveries, obstacles; freedom. Time becomes a companion that can be the most valuable of any, but one can never guarantee how much time. What one values can change over time. But if in the long run the journey is that of freedom ...

“If you hear the dogs, keep going. If you see the torches in the woods, keep going. If there's shouting after you, keep going. Don't ever stop. Keep going. If you want a taste of freedom, keep going.” ― Harriet Tubman


P.S. from Terri Windling's watering hole, "About Blogging and Spoons" if you need more on navigational tools

Saturday, July 14, 2012

In the palm of her hand



Between storms (thunder and lightning) Pete and I took a ride back into town Thursday evening to enjoy a free Sno-Isle Library event. One of the things that sweetens the quality of living where one finds herself is the simple pleasure that comes from being part of the community. We are doing that one day at a time, one opportunity and event at a time. Thursday night's event was a palmistry hour with Sheila Lyon "one of America's foremost psychic entertainers." That's a quote from the handout she used to get her audience involved in numerology. The library was closed and since this was a new thing for us I peered at the flier on the library door reading for details when a friendly and familiar face--a friend of ours opened the door and said, "Would you like to come in?" I was delighted to see my librarian of choice. Pam is a friend, artist and librarian who works as a sub-librarian on the island. We were among the first to arrive, but by the time the entertainment (funny, I didn't think of it as such) began all seats were filled.

Sheila Lyon is a seasoned crowd-pleaser with things to say, a wit about the way she says it and information for everyone in her audience. I began reading palms years ago and have looked and prodded the lines in my palms trying to get those lines, the length and slope of them as well as my fingers to get a grip on this form of oracle reading. What I learned through an hour of entertainment and enjoyment with my husband, a friend and a new acquaintence was this: even ancient systems can and ought to be brought into the present. Sheila Lyon did that for me, and the group who came to have their palms read. Lyon's wrote a book entitled Palm's Up, a link to that book is here. Twenty years ago when I picked up a book on palmistry the left and right hand were read as what you were born with and what your life is like now. According to Lyon's the rules for reading are different. For example she said what you read in a book on palmistry in America would interpret readings differently from readings done in India, or China; a woman's life would be read by reading the left hand, a man's life the right. She also quickly dispelled the interpretation of life-span based on length of the Life Line by saying that when palmistry was first popular people were dying young. Lyon's take on interpretation of the Life Line is in the intensity of the line and if there are breaks in the line it could mean a change more than a death. Her mother for example has a short Life Line but is 90. I took no notes and recall what she said from memory so please check out her book for details or check your library, she might be scheduled to speak in your town or community. Here's her website: http://www.sheilalyon.com/

In one lively and informative hour each of us were given an insight into the energy of numbers and went away with a simple and entertaining way to determine "Where Are you in Your Nine-Year Cycle of Life? Each of us knows what our Lucky Number is (based on the exercise of adding up the numbers of one's birthdate) and the meaning of that Lucky Number was group information that fuels the community and collective knowledge of folks we might see again, while at the post office, in line at Star Store, or when checking out a movie to watch tomorrow night. This event and activity is further evidence in the life of a makua who carries lines of curiosity and a Heart Line with splits and forks of a person with 'goodness' and 'something more'. A split personality? I live with a man with a ring finger of entrereneurship that is long, long, Super-Hero long on creativity. As she worked the crowd reading Pete's hand and mine the Diva of Divination said, "You (Pete) should have your own business and you (I) should run it." I watched the faces of people as Sheila Lyon dosed each with her brand of insight and entertainment. Familiar in some ways with the process of working crowds from my years as a crowd-worker/facilitator, I was pleased to see that the art lives and there is always something more to learn and enjoy. It's the joy part of 'enjoy' that was most present for me Thursday night. The entertainer had me in the palm of her hand, and I enjoyed it.

Monday, July 9, 2012

When I long for the other moku

"When I long for my Island home, I am able to connect through the keys and world of unseeable bridges. I found two stories this morning that satisfy my longings..."
The lightning and thunder storm stirred up the air and the connection moku to moku. A beautifully written article about kahuna kalae wa'a (master canoe builder) Keola Sequeira of Lahaina, Maui found its way to me after that storm. The storyteller in me is always humbled and thankful for the gifts of story, they, the gifts come and in the spirit of "gifts" they are shared to expand the mana. I wrote story on Wa'a Mo'olelo Story-Canoe. It's about kaona, layers of meaning and the value of the backbone. The whole story is here.
 

Friday, July 6, 2012

Birthdays and Anniversaries

We celebrated a birthday and an anniversay on July 4th. It was Pete's birthday, our celebration of being Langley Woods folk (we begin a third year) and across the ocean my uncle and aunty celebrated their 70th wedding anniversary. We celebrated with hot Granny Apple Pie and cream (iced and not).



I wrote a ramble of story here.