My ears ring. Most of the time I pay the ringing no attention because there is so much else to hear; Jots outside on the doormat is crying for attention, the soft whirl of the air purifier cleaning dust and errant smells, the city of inner conversations. Sometimes though, the silence of everything else becomes a blank page for the ringing and I simply listen. Medically, ringing in the ears is called tinnitus, and if your ears ring, and the ringing makes you crazy there is so much information to seek out. At first, I searched for a 'name' to give this constant ring. I sought to understand it and then I sought help to stop it...forever! Time has passed since I first noticed the ringing and this morning I pause to listen respectfully to a sound that is here for a purpose.
Living with Multiple Chemical Sensitivities, my body is a very highly-strung instrument. Is it an old-fashion description "high-strung"? I remember my mother calling me high-strung and over sensitive whenever I just couldn't handle o n e m o r e thing. I hated that description, and yet she was right. The thing is my parents just didn't have enough reserves to tune and nurture their little girl violin. Active alcoholism and violence is a family disease, and that disease takes it all. If there were silent times in my home of origin my ears probably began ringing then as a lullaby of defense, a way to create 'white noise' of a sort. At this early age it was not possible for me to listen respectfully, I had no role models for the practice.
Creator of All Beings makes an agreement with each of us as we prepare to incarnate. I have come to believe that a Sustaining Soul, immortal soul, spirit, core essence or whatever name you give, comes with each birth. Some religions teach the immortality of the soul as a strictly human privilege or responsibility. My culture is more "holistic", the Hawaiian tradition sees a soul in everything: pohaku (stones), la`au (plant-life), ka wai (fresh water), ke kai (the ocean), ka makani (the wind) et. al. My friend, spiritual consultant and Akashic Record Reader Akemi Gaines shares the belief that the human being is in the process of escalating spiritual growth. Akemi has read my Akashic Record and I have listened very closely to the information she shared with me. At first I listened with guarded and cautious reserve. This form of spiritual consultation was a first for me. Since that October Akashic Record Reading, the missing dots in my life are connecting. Understanding my past life gives me a story to explain my reluctance to be my self. I have done decades of work re-visiting my family of origin's 'stuff'; it took me 60 years to be ready to hear my Sustaining Soul's story.
Where does this lead us? Well, I'll tell you. When I write I really must listen with my whole body. Here's a quote from Paul Toby who has listened differently to the ringing in his ears. I have purchased his self-help approach to tinnitus and will be experimenting with his findings. I'll share what I learn.
"All that’s involved is simply waking up to the fact that your life is what you make of it. If you give negative meaning to tinnitus then, that will infect all areas of your life. If you wake up to the fact that tinnitus can help your life in positive ways then that will affect all areas of your life.
Use tinnitus as a tool to strengthen your resolve. It came into your life for a reason. Is tinnitus life threatening? No, only if you allow it to be. Is tinnitus keeping you from doing anything you truly want to do? No, only if you allow it to.
What I’m trying to explain is that we give so much meaning to the negative side of tinnitus and we forget the positive side. What is the positive side? By refocusing your attention and giving less meaning to tinnitus you can actually get more accomplished in your life. By learning about and doing what you love your ears will stop ringing and start listening to the beautiful sounds of music all around you. Everything is music to your ears. All you have to do is stop focusing on what you don’t want to hear and start focusing on what you do want to hear. Listen to the wind, the voices, the children, the ocean and the birds and you will begin to hear again what tinnitus has taken away from you; the joy of living."
The ringing in my ears, the tinnitus, if you wish to give it a name others know is a very person messenger. My ears ring for a reason, probably many reasons. Some would silence the ringing FOREVER ... there are drugs, homeopathic remedies. I haven't chosen those solutions. Last night when I was uncomfortable, restless with struggle ... things are not progressing as quickly as we'd like, the MapLoco on the blogs showed ZERO VISITS, winter makes work on VARDOFORTWO the tiny home, a back burner project ... I prayed for guidance, "God, I don't know what I'm doing here"... spent time with one of my favorite meditation tapes The Soul of Healing Meditations and gave the ringing in my ears some company, and finally slipped into sleep.
I woke from wonderful dreams with one of my favorite people. A person whose music I love and whose company I cannot enjoy in person, yet the spirit travels to people and places I cannot reach in this body. I woke hearing the ringing in my ears as I came to write this post, this writing meditation. If I don't listen to my own ring, who will?
Malama pono, (take care)