Thursday, March 13, 2014

Who DO I write for?

"The full moon takes place on March 16th, midday, at 26 degrees Virgo.  I like the look of this. It’s elegant.  You may be able to ground a good idea at this time." - Elsa P.

"The magic and the medicine of stories flows or is stopped at the border for another time, or for some other. I write because that's part of the remedy that keeps me fluid rather than brittle, tickled rather than tortured or torturous and I keep learning something through the process. With practice I gain some confidence with the ups and downs of the creating and loosen my grip on perfection. The magic and medicine remains lively and ownership is not part of the prescription. I write for the younger me who didn't have the words to speak in language forbidden by laws made up by missionaries with a bible and paper to take and bury the protocol and practices of common magic -- elemental wisdom. I write for my mother and my father, my aunties, my mango trees. I write to make space for Grace." - from my blog and medicine story The Joy Weed Journal
When I began my apprenticeship as makua o'o with Aunty Betty there were so many puka -- holes-- in my understanding of life. My lineage and my history only half-baked. I was freshly wounded from a divorce that ended more than twenty years of marriage. I was wearing the wounds of victim, but would not become ready to let the past go for many years. What I knew as 'success' became something I picked up again. But the apprenticeship as an elder in training would work on my beliefs and my understanding about the Hawaiian, the culture that is as ancient and resilient as water; and in the apprenticeship I would learn the language.

The language and culture of a people forbidden by an oppressor is an old, and pervasive practice. It happened in Hawaii with the coming on the Anglican missionaries. The effects have devastated us, and then when the source of the original assault were forgotten, we assaulted ourselves out of habit. The things that hurt us are often the things we lash out at, but as often as not, these are the same activities we do to those we love or interact with in social settings. For me, the miracle is that I was born with a deeply etched 8th House Astrological signature; the signature of 8th - sex, psychology, pathology, death and transformation. Deep digging into the kapu topics was bred into me. I write to bring light to dark subjects.

The transformative nature of writing leads me to muddle through the tight spaces of an all too confining space: beliefs, personal practices, communication styles. With the lessons that I learn from divorce, homelessness, and loss of health it is writing, the tools of the makua o'o and my practice of the 12 Steps of Al-Anon that feed me stories. By keeping time with Kaulana Mahina The Hawaiian Moon Calendar I tap into the ancient feminine wisdom and make room for elemental time, rather than the time on a clock. I learn to hear voices and language of birds, wind, trees, fire and the ancestors. They all have something wise to say. And, they all have a side of whimsy that tickles me when I have become too brittle with seriousness.

I weave the magic of myth to stay present with the power of water. Grasping at water? No holding power. Creating a sacred vessel for it? Ritual and magic is possible. That's why I write, and who I write for: I write for my mother and my father, my aunties, my mango trees. I write to make space for Grace. I write for the moon.

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