I've been thinking about just how patient I am, and just what I expect of this life. There's a line in the movie Miss Potter. Beatrix is having a go with her father and mother. She is determined to marry Norman, the publisher of her books, and the man she loves. Mama and Papa will have none of that ... a tradesman! No Potter can marry a tradesman. Beatrix demands to know "Does that mean I cannot be happy?" That's the question I have for my own dear self this morning. The thing is probing before trusting is becoming impractical. It takes so much energy to probe and yet living with Multiple Chemical Sensitivities requires probing ... asking pointed questions or suspecting the worst until proven otherwise. Building the wee home on wheels has been a constant process of probing with few choices easily made, and many choices having to be reversed or begun again. We are close and yet we are not yet finished. I am waiting to hear from the Earth Pigment people about using their Natural Wax over the milk paint on the ceiling. I am losing patience, getting worn from enduring...and I'm fed-up.
The tests are constant. I set myself up to turn life into a test, why do this? I have a NAET vile with my name on it. Written across a tiny piece of masking tape is my name M O K I H A N A. Some people are 'allergic' to their own DNA. I would be one of them. I think I'll pull that vile out and give myself a little energy treatment and practice letting go.
Ever feel you're allergic to your own DNA?