The sky cleared today, and the fog must have found another place to nestle. What a difference, a nice change. Pete and I are making the most of a sometimes odd rhythm to our life. Sometimes a waltz moving two steps that way and then one step back we edge forward in our project to create a home and a way of life like two moon snails. The choices we make are the best we can make on the day we make them. If we are lucky the effects of a foggy brain clear enough to do no harm, and yet it doesn't always turn out that way. So, these two moon snails re-group, and let the fog clear before choosing again.
Early in the posts here on Makua O`o I wrote about the ringing in my ears ... tinnitus. Yesterday I spent some time reading and considering the thoughts of Paul Toby a young concert pianist who has learned to accept and live with tinnitus. His experiences and his e-book are very encouraging. Living with Multiple Chemicals Sensitivities is a changeable reality, my senses have stretched to their limits and behind in many ways. My ears, as large as Buddha's, are a Calizar trademark. The practices Paul Toby outlines for learning to live with tinnitus begins with
accepting that the ringing exists. Once more, I am given the lesson: stay still long enough to know NOW. My experiences with living with Multiple Chemical Sensitivities began more than fourteen years ago. I suspected something wasn't quite right and yet it was a decade and more before I accepted there was no SOMEWHERE ELSE to be safe and with danger of exposure. Pete and I tried to outrun the environment. That doesn't work.
Here is an excerpt from
Paul Toby's e-book A PRACTICAL GUIDE TO TINNITUS-FREE LIVING"I think for me, when I reached the point of realization that there is nothing anyone can do, and this journey was mine alone, I died. The Paul Tobey who had lived for 36 years on the planet earth died and a new man was born. I finally realized that no amount of anger,no amount of fear, no amount blaming, no amount of judging, no amount of persistence in trying to heal this thing, and no amount of searching was going bring about the ultimate cure. When I met that demon in my life, when I reached that point – I just finally broke down and surrendered. I had enormous fears about what I just had surrendered to. I was deeply mourning the loss of silence – a privilege I had taken for granted my whole life. I was also mourning the loss of the person I once knew as me..."Like Paul Toby I live with tinnitus, as well as Multiple Chemical Sensitivities. The excerpt above describes the unavoidable point(s) of surrender that led me to one more spiritual awakening. But first, I must surrender and grieve. Yes, the inner silence is gone ... for a while, forever. Which ever, it is gone for now. Last night as I began to integrate some of the ideas from Toby's book, I found a way to bring very healing music into The Kitchenette. The chants of the Benedictine monks, deep, resonant tones relaxed us as they have in times past. It has been more than a year since we listened to those chants. Gently the deep tones relaxed the hold I had placed on the sadness and grief/stress and then the tears came. I cried, sobbed, released and slept more deeply than I have in many weeks.
As I read further I found two points that made a lot of sense to me, and fit my recipe for good health practices. First, Paul Toby discovered as many of us with Multiple Chemical Sensitivities discover and rediscover, you are what you eat. In Toby's case he discovered that certain foods raised the level of ringing in his ears; other foods lessened the ringing in his ears. Early on in his book, Toby cautions and encourages all who read, to consult a medical or health care practitioner for your personal assessment. What Toby does offer are non-medical options and a possibility that eating with your blood type in mind could help. Eating for your blood type is not a new concept for me, I have done this in years past for differing reasons. It makes sense for me to give it a try again. So, I am making some changes using the suggested eating guidelines ... a little at a time beginning today. I am a new blood human, a AB+ blood type. This food and blood type correlation has made sense to me for a long time. Now I have another incentive to work with this approach, tinnitus.
The second point Toby makes has to do with focus. Attending to the things that are the most important to me. Here's something Toby writes:
"Do you know the number one reason why most people don’t get what they want in life?
And I ask this in all my seminars. I ask, “What is the number one reason why most
people don’t get what they want in life? And the answer is very simple:
Most people simply don’t know what it is they want!
You need to adopt a really REALLY big goal. The reason is;
If you shoot for the stars you are at
least going to hit the moon!"
I'm including this bit from Paul Toby here on Makua O`o because at the base of his successful re-emergence as a full-blossomed human being, concert pianist, composer, inspirational speaker and new father, is Toby's awakening to the importance of connecting to ALL THAT IS, that which cannot be seen. VARDOFORTWO , the tiny moon snail like home we are creating is part of our fully-blooming life. It is ONE PART of the really big goal I have to hit the
moon. My body requires many fine-tuning, I was asleep when the gods said 'there will be many fine-tuning', and must have thought there would be one to last the journey. I have so much to learn, and with a life like this, no end of lessons await me.
Pete and I drove to the Pacific Ocean shore of Washington State last Sunday to celebrate a bit of mastery with practicing patience and endurance. I wrote about it on our other blog VFT. This morning the sensation of being here ... on the Ledge as the weather swiftly proceeds around and through this upland wood is pure grace. The clouds have some where to be, they move across the sky from east to west racing to some unseen destination. Or, maybe they simply race. The air is freshened by the race, a little rain has doused us with moisture but mostly the wind is primary.
The sky cleared today, and the fog must have found another place to nestle. What a difference, a nice change. Pete and I are making the most of a sometimes odd rhythm to our life. Sometimes a waltz moving two steps that way and then one step back we edge forward in our project to create a home and a way of life like two moon snails. The choices we make are the best we can make on the day we make them. If we are lucky the effects of a foggy brain clear enough to do no harm, and yet it doesn't always turn out that way. So, these two moon snails re-group, and let the fog clear before choosing again.
