Sunday, June 28, 2015

Achilles' Heel

An Achilles heel is a deadly weakness in spite of overall strength, which can actually or potentially lead to downfall. While the mythological origin refers to a physical vulnerability, idiomatic references to other attributes or qualities that can lead to downfall are common. - Wikipedia
"The Achilles’ heel Taurus North Node people need to be aware of is seeking self-worth through others (“I can only feel okay about myself through the validation of others”), which can lead them into the trap of an unending search for a soul mate (“If I have this one special person’s energy, I’ll feel complete”). In truth, Taurus North Node people can only achieve a sense of completeness within themselves—it will never come as the by-product of a relationship, even with a soul mate. No matter how much support and validation they get from others, they always think they need more. In fact, for them, others’ validation is a false barometer of whether they are on the right track. Living according to standards they know are right for them, regardless of what others think, will help them develop a sense of self-worth..." - Jan Spiller

One of my first jobs was working a neighborhood drug store. I stocked shelves, and worked the cash register. My old friend Cynthia got me the job. We met in First Grade, grew up a valley apart, and had some very fun times together. What seems like a lifetime ago, comes clearly back to me at times. Times like today, when my Achilles' tendon swells and pains me. I remember standing at a shelf conscious of the ache in my left heel. I can feel it now. I was sixteen.

I've got a tube of Arnicare, arnica cream, that I've been using on the painful tendon. It's a new remedy for me;that along with an ankle brace helps me stand and move around with less difficulty.

The other thing that is inseparable from the physicality of pain is the emotional element of pain. For good or ill, the two are something that I attend to. I know that the issue of the Achilles' heel is freshly bubbling up in me. An old and recurring vulnerability is making its presence felt. "No matter how much support and validation they get from others, they always think they need more." That's the old and recurring pain. the ancient wound.

Being able to stand on my own two feet is the issue, even now, at 67. Earlier today we were at the Farmers' Market talking with a friend. We were talking about her husband's health. I've never met her husband but know he has had major surgery. The conversation we were having had to do with how the surgeons/doctors' aim is to address bolstering his immune system (which she said is very strong) to battle the condition. "It's his DNA," our friend said.

I said I understood completely. That's the thing. I could really relate to what that meant. "He's not taking anything. He's strong, and was up and talking after a four hour operation." There's no cure for what her husband is dealing with. Without sounding simplistic, that is true about life. There's no cure to keep any of us from dying.

Blogging is part of my remedy for attending to my North Node in Taurus, my Achilles' heel of dependence through validation from others. It's a tough ache, and a long-lasting one. I'm in the middle of resetting boundaries and muddling through the process. Messy. It is a one-day-at-a-time journey. 12-Step Work is a lifetime practice. I forget that, and then I remember again. Without blogs, I would be muddling alone, and that is a dark and lonely journey. The voices in my head are loud and judgmental. Putting some of those thoughts onto a blog? Well ... it's an alternative to self-flagellation, and may be a way to strength those genes in my DNA, and tweak my immune system.

Do you recognize your 'fatal flaw' or Achilles' heel? How do you attend to it?

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