|I wore a suit in a past life.|
"Did you wear suits?" Amy asked. Yup. I did and can remember the way those suits were chosen, why, what color, the feel of the slippery silk-like lining and the shoulder pads on one suit that made my already broad shoulders line-backer like. It was a very big leap that I took consciously and purposely welding all my 10th H power to make a career out of ... not nothing, but to make a career that was OUT THERE. It had to be done. (I could make money at it. I could 'show 'em' I could BE some body.) Over time the job took me away from home and my family (especially Christopher) and allowed me space from Roy who was not what I thought he was ... Whatever that means! I made a public life separate from the rest of me.
The result: a divorce, emptying the resources that I made (401K) as I left the marriage, moved back to Hawaii; and started another relationship without having cleaned up the karma from the first. Fourteen years later, Roy and I talk. It's better, and I am aware of my mistakes, and see how I can easily repeat them with Pete. I 'file that' away until something like yesterday's walk with a pal draws the puss from a wound not quite healed. But, it is healing. Long term (Saturn-Libra) healing and Chiron in the 10th H of public life.
I am different. I have a chronic illness borne of sensitivity and reactivity and worn into the grooves of my brain, my soul. A chance to pay down the karmic debt is here ... one awareness and one new and better choice at a time. Nearing the Season of Scorpio, the debt repayment options are more powerful. I see them for what they are. In the daily events of my life, a friend with a mask, walks with me past a window front with a joyfilled headband and conversation happens. Real talk. Unexpected avenue of healing.
Good, this private space for this episode.