Sunday, October 16, 2011


This morning Pete and I lay next to each other and talked about the Gupta brain retraining program.  He is Gemini, and a talker.  I am Scorpio, and am secretive.  That's an oversimplification but it works sometimes for me to be overly simple.  Pete and I operate differently and operate at different speeds.  He likes to jump from bed and go do stuff.  I like to wake slowly and think my way into doing things.  The in bed conversation is somehow an equalizer, and like many of these conversations, we got to issues that are much more difficult when we're standing.  The fact that Pete is a foot taller than I might have a towering effect that pushes my threat button. 

Pete's reading about the Gupta program that is on its way.  I've been able to calm my anxiety about the new program and verbalized its likeness to 'travel anxiety'; too much time before the ETD.  Listening to the Abraham tapes is helping to calm me and get me closer to the right (fully okay, okay all the time me) or center.  Needing to 'over-protect' mode.  Like I said, Pete and I operate differently.  The practice of writing came up.  I said writing is a method of detaching for me:  a way to put distance between the emotions that are volatile, too hot is spoken from my throat and mouth.  It's an important awareness and I think he got it.

The thing is, blogging was a way for me to write FOR OTHERS TO SEE.  I wrote but was also always looking to see if, and who, how many, were reading my writing.  It was always still, the seeking of approval that motivated this kind of writing.  I think, it has been marvelous, and brought me to places I would otherwise have never been.  But, I feel a need to discover and heal privately, at least for a time and that is what is happening in this familiar, rooted to Akua, place that is Makua O'o.  I miss the connection of my place of birth/my culture.  But,  also the 'but' know detachment is necessary for me to evolve.  The amygdla retraining rings bells for me; exciting yet scary.  I put these thoughts here, and detach with prayer


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