E Ho`a`o no i paukuhihewa ... Try it, and rid yourself of illusions

The four full moons of Hina and the start of La'au Moons (today) have been brilliant in their illumination.  Writing behind-the-scenes I am freed in a way that shifts my perspective.  For example, the 'Olelo No'eau 'E Ho'a'no i paukuhihewa' has been part of this blog from the start three years ago. At different times it has meant different things.  I began to blog because there were so many things that made no sense to me.  My senses were out of whack, my definitions screwed and my sense of balance and safety less than zero.  "Try it, and rid yourself of illusions."  Try what?  What illusions?

Over the days, nights, weeks, months, and years the answers to those questions have been try everything, and notice that almost everything is an illusion.  Now, as the La'au Moons of Makahiki, and by the Gregorian Calendar, October 15, 2011, I prepare to use my o'o to rid myself of more illusions.  I have purchased the interactive DVD program created by Ashtok Gupta called the Gupta Brain Retraining Program.  Linking to the Gupta site will explain the program.  To commit to this program means I must make it a priority in my life for six months, or more.  Many people on healing journeys from MCS (and other illnesses including CFS) have recovered significant well-being and even feel cured of their illness because of this brain retraining program. 

I have noticed and followed the progress of several people including several internet friends who are better and better having completed, and practice the process included in the Gupta program.  My choice to begin this program comes now when several pieces of my life have reset my foundations.  I think these things have prepared me to take this next step:

1. I have a home.  Slow and steady progress has created a place of stability.  Everything being relative, our tiny spaces life is a place where I know there is safety and comfort most of the time. More than twelve months of this new normal is a cornerstone of healing.
2. Reconnecting with Mahina.  The years of reconnecting with Hina, and the ancient lunar calendar/universe of tracking time has assured me than somethings remain constant even when the human life appears to disintegrate.  Nothing completely disappears, instead, forms change, time changes.  Becoming aware and then becoming intimate with Hina's relationship with all that is has shored me up in deep ways.  My cultural inheritance, my tap root has been affirmed.  I don't look for others to affirm my worth, I look within and can believe in somethings sight unseen.
3. We have the resources to pay.  This is a valuable lesson:  'pay your way.'  It may appear, and it has felt that way, that we have suffered immense loss.  We have.  And yet, the 'olelo "E Ho'a'o no i paukuhihewa"  beats even as I suffer/endure.  What is the illusion?  It seems the illusion is that without all our former comforts (a home, a family, a persona, our perceived entitlements, our health) we could not be happy-free-okay.  Now, our reset values has us living on two Social Security checks that total less than $2,000 a month, we have connection with a community that is knowing and including us and especially Pete in their circle.  Our priorities have changed.  We are able to live and can pay for the $199 Brain Retraining program.
4. We have the technical equipment to view this DVD program.  A laptop or computer, or DVD player have not been a constant 'given' till now.  I needed one or another of these pieces of equipment before commiting. 

With those four cornerstones in place, and some time with the practice of 'Plan Be' ... Be Positive, Be Prepared, Believe, a positive shift in my attitude has been slowing becoming mine.  I have felt the benefit of a shift in attitude and then felt the benefit shift when recent events turned me upsidedown and awful.  'Awful' can happen and feels especially bad after feeling the opposite, even for a little while.  Mahina the moon is not only watched, she watches and that is what she has been doing for me.  She watched and while the Growing Moons of Anahulu Poepoe grew into "Hoku" and "Mahealani" I felt and heard her message to grow the belief of well-being from within.  So, Makua O'o is closed publicly, but grows within, behind-the-scenes.  Sight unseen, I prepare for a new year.  Perhaps with time, my private journaling will see the light of a cybernetic day.