The tiny stones scattered beneath the old Hayden Mango tree in my old backyard (the tree now a memory, no longer growing there), enjoyed my company when I was there. But, the tree didn’t miss me when I got too busy or when I avoided the shade of that tree because mosquitoes and the threat of Dengue Fever kept me inside. The beautiful red hibiscus hedges grew well when showers of winter rain soaked their roots and washed the nibbling bugs from their fleshy leaves. The long slender branches reached for the sun and stretched to the sky. Akua and my guardians were ever present, however their voices were hard to hear. Looking back at those years in Kuliouou and my use of the pendulum I see that I was searching for a way to connect with an unadapted version of truth ... a clear source. This part of my journey was a courageous re-entry into an early life of chaos and lack. When my life at mid-center began unraveling I went backwards and sought the corrections I believed might come by living again in a house that had long memories, answers. Maybe, I thought, I was strong enough now to make peace with my past. Pete and I stayed nearly eight years, and then we both knew our best was not enough to change others, we would need to make changes to save our selves.
One episode at a time I understand that it is less important to be ‘right’ and more important to do the best I can regardless of how imperfect that might be. We did rebuild the old Hick's built house and created a beautiful home. What we learned in my old neighborhood was a lesson we would re-learn again and again while we lived on the Islands: your neighbor's choices affect you even when your best efforts at spiritually balancing and peace-making are exhausted each of us affects the other. By the time we sold 319 Dalene Way in 2004 my endocrine system: my thyroid gland in my throat, adrenal glands above my kidneys and my pituitary gland in my brain had collected high levels of pesticides. My relationship with a very long-time friend is different. We no longer 'get' each other and she would not stop using pesticides. Finding my place on the earth, at ease in my skin with the experiences of a woman whose system and organs will not tolerate small levels of chemicals, fragrances or toxins, is a pendulum swinging experience. The arch of the swing sometimes so intense those closest to me find they can’t or don’t wish to ride the arch of those changes. I pray for the wisdom to accept what I cannot change, and more than that I pray to be gently held while I impatiently wait to understand. To be at peace with the fall-out of chemical-usage gone riot is difficult. I am human, not a goddess and today I have a life and voice to share a spiritual journey. I am one example. What comforts me as I write this is knowing that wherever I have been in my journey to be at peace, I have done my best and today I believe that was enough. Tomorrow is another day, and peace comes a day at a time and that is good enough.
Do you make time in your today to believe your best is good enough? Do you tell yourself your best is enough?